September 8, 2019
Inspired by and adapted from Love Is A Grandparent by Erma Bombeck
This is for little folks who wonder what a grandparent is.
A grandparent can always be counted on to buy your Ritz Bits and Oreo cookies, ramen noodle, two kinds of peanut butter (creamy and chunky), Purple Cow ice cream, blue raspberry Speedy Freeze, pineapple and mangoes from Aldi, Pirates Booty popcorn, root beer, Whips chocolate yogurt, and ABC watermelon gum.
A grandparent buys you gifts your mother says you don't need - like more Shopkins or LPS miniature characters, a poop-oozing unicorn key chain, or Fortnite upgrades.
Grandparents will sit through Purple Mermicorn soccer and Dirty Dawgs flag football games, cheering and capturing goals and touchdowns on video; and join in a raucous pizza party after a water park or ziplining birthday celebration.
Grandparents pretend they don't know who you are on Halloween.
When you go play hide and seek, they act as if they couldn't find you, even when a chubby leg is in plain sight behind a curtain. When you come out after a bath in your dragon robe and sneak behind their back, they pretend to be scared out-of-their-wits every single time.
Grandparents will put a sweater on you when they are cold, and feed you when they are hungry.
Grandparents will have an album and a bulging file of your artwork, including various handmade gifts, crafts, and an outline of your hands that you had traced; and display a hand-tied multicolored felt quilt in their mostly-white and neutral living room.
Grandparents will sit by you when you practice for your piano recital, when you go on a nature adventure to look for geckos or catch curly worms, and when you mix potions, smiling even if the food color spills on the wood floor.
And know that, most of all, grandparents are not and will never be in a hurry for you to grow up.
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