Crown Jewels

Treasures

Are diamonds and various other gems and precious stones a girl's best friend? That is the question. 

I'm going to find out soon enough. I'm on my way to the Tower's Jewel House in London to view the reputedly awe-inspiring collection of crown jewels of the British monarchy.

It's undoubtedly precious, as evidenced by the noticeable presence of security. Soldiers of the Tower Guard stand at attention at the entrance. Thirty-eight so-called Yeomen Warders and armed police officers are patrolling the area dutifully. 

Like I would dare a heist, I say under my breath with a wicked grin. Have I mentioned that I know about the more than a hundred hidden CCTV cameras that are watching us? I shrug a small shrug. 

In the anteroom, we watch the obligatory video of the history and use of the crown jewels. Some of us respond with a breathless murmur of wonderment. The rest of the time, we're quiet, as if we were holding our breath.

As lights come on, quietude gives way to a burst of applause. A presenter takes front view. Behind his glasses, he opens his eyes wide in a gesture that makes his eyebrows dart up his forehead. Then he puffs himself up like a sparrow fluffing its feathers against the wind and intones:

Mi' lords and ladies, today we hold an old accustomed feast,

Whereto I have invited many a guest

Such as I love. And you among the store,

One more, most welcome, makes my number more.

His crisp enunciation has the purity of a well-tuned bell.

Look to behold 

Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light.

I gather as much that we're being invited to a feast that has been celebrated for many years. The welcome has been extended to us and many close friends as well. We can expect to see dazzling stars (the jewels, no less!) that walk on the ground and light the sky from below. Poetic.

We enter through vault doors containing electronic beams and steel shutters. The treasures themselves are displayed in the order they are used in the ceremony. Handel's coronation anthems can be heard throughout. The King shall rejoice. 

A beam of light projects intensely through the two-inch shatter-proof glass and onto the jewels resting majestically on French velvet. Let thy hand be strengthened.

I review the regalia collection. What is that? A spoon? I ask myself with a chuckle. What could be its possible use in a royal ceremony? I must have missed that vital information from the video. Anyway, it's 800 years old and silver-gilt.

I come upon the Sovereign's Sceptre with Cross, on top of which is set a 530.2 carat Great Star of Africa, allegedly the largest colourless (note the very British spelling with the u) cut diamond in the world. Now, that's enormous, I wryly observe.   

Another crown. St. Edward's. Solid gold. Must weigh a ton, I mumble  in a low voice.

Looking now at Queen Elizabeth's crown, I can't help bursting out. What?! On top are 2,800 diamonds including the most famous diamond in the Jewel House, the Koh-i-Nûr or Mountain of Light. 

Heavy, indeed, is the head that wears the crown, I sigh theatrically, muttering the king's words in Henry IV in empathy.

There must be over a hundred objects, vestments, processional and anointing items, gold and silver plates, christening fonts, scepters, rings and bracelets, swords, and orbs. I'm getting tired. Bored, perhaps? After a while, the opulent objects all start looking alike to me. 

Are these treasures a girl's best friend? I invoke the character in the Rainman movie.

I don't think so. No. Definitely not.