Sauteed Ampalaya

Food, Glorious Food

This Mother's Day, I fondly remember one of Mum's unparalleled lessons on food and beauty. This is a true story of how stir-fried bitter melon came to be my most favorite dish.

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SAUTEED AMPALAYA

My Home In Manila: Mummie's Kitchen

Value:  94 centavos for three pounds (approximately $1.25)
Sentimental value:  P R I C E L E S S

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Ampalaya, also known as bitter melon, has an acrid taste. It grows off the vine as a green, oblong-shaped vegetable with a distinct warty exterior. It is rich in vitamins and minerals. Sadly for the whole family, sauteed ampalaya has been a Friday staple at our table year-round.

The evening rite begins with Mum processing to the table and bringing forward the sanctified food in front of The Brood of Faithful. One would think that she's leading us to fulfill the Jewish mitzvah of eating bitter herbs on seder night. She prefaces the offering with a solemn pronouncement, Dinner!

And there it is - the ceremonial dish, a gift from on high filled with small, green, horrid-looking, bumpy slices of bitter melon sauteed with dried shrimp. Balm for the soul, she proclaims slowly and clearly. 

We all stiffen, like lambs being led to the slaughter. She pauses solemnly, perhaps waiting for us to respond with some empty Latin phrase from the missal, but we suppress our communal sound of distaste into an anguished whisper. Holy Jesus, save us from our plight. I would have crossed myself, if I were Catholic. 

But salvation is nowhere in sight. Dadee suppresses a sigh, narrowing his mouth into a thin line. He mimics turning a key to lock his lips and throwing the key over his shoulder. Shhh, he gestures hastily for us to keep quiet and endure the trauma.

Fourth Brother, the most fastidious eater of all, is choking. He opens his mouth a few times, to no effect. We all watch him struggle like the prodigal son contemplating how even the pigs eat better slop than this.

Fifth and Sixth Brothers are spared the ordeal. Being toddlers, they get to eat the egg-drop porridge instead.

Eldest Brother is smart. He looks into his plate with sullen disinterest, takes a spoonful, then surreptitiously takes out each unchewed mouthful. Here, he lures Mighty, Second Brother's dog (the two brothers are arch-enemies). We later hear the unsuspecting puppy throw up in the corner with his tail behind his legs, looking like a cornered rat with terror on his face.

Second Brother is shifting his weight and glancing uneasily about. He stabs at his food and mutters something nasty. After breathing deeply and trying to control himself, he clears his throat. Mum glares at him. Third Brother giggles, covering his mouth with his hand and ducking his head so she can't see.

Dadee likes to get over his misery quickly, clearing up his plate with abandon. Then like a born-again person, he frantically juggles a toothpick which he twists and turns through his teeth with circus-like dexterity. His form of catharsis, I mumble. He's getting himself cleaned of the culinary abomination.

As for myself, I struggle with all my might, squeezing my eyes tightly shut. I force myself to be calm, even through my horror. My nose is tweaked. The dish feels heavy, like eating clay, and my stomach rebels against it. I quietly declaim a lamentation. Look and see! Is there any pain like mine? My groans are so many, yet there is no one to comfort me.

My suffering would have gone on unmitigated were it not for the Goddess of Beauty herself, in the guise of my mother, who comes to my rescue at that very moment. Note that I'm a tad naive for thirteen, intensely gullible, and just beginning to be conscious of my looks.

With controlled calm, Mum whispers in my ear. You want to know the secret of being beautiful? My ears perk up. My breath quickens with interest. I watch her mouth as if pearls of wisdom were about to fall from it. She grins down at me, exposing the sweetest downward smile. Then in a suave tone, she divulges, Bitter melon!

Hallelujah! A mystery has just been revealed to me. I've been anointed with oil that overflows, and I've never been so sure, though I walk in the valley of adolescent zits and hormonal changes, that I will fear no evil, for the magical potion of this sun-kissed gourd will follow me all the days of my life.

Food keeps us linked to certain incidents, to seasons and traditions, to life's mysteries. Bitter melon, so 'delish,' has been for me the key to making everything beautiful in its time.

My Review: *** - Exceptional, worth a special journey