A Toast To The New Year

Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.

First Grandchildren enjoy a glass of virgin margarita

Cheers to us!

May all our troubles during the coming year be as short as our New Year’s resolutions.

In the past months, there were those who had seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and couldn't tell the difference.

A toast to them!

Second Granddaughter gives a thumbs up to her purple cocoa drink

May this year be

another chance for us

to get it right.

Photo: A.V.H., November 2020. On a walk, First Granddaughter wishes for the wind to take her up and away like Mary Poppins.

And quoting Eldest Daughter, 

May we always walk

with a spring in our step and joy in our heart! 

Dear John

Excerpted from My Dearest Darling John …The Funny 12 Days of Christmas Letter. Enjoy!

My dearest darling John:

Whoever in the whole world would dream of getting a real partridge in a pear tree? Thank you a hundred times.

My love always, Agnes

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Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtle doves. I’m delighted. They are adorable.

All my love, Agnes

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Dear John:

Oh! Aren’t you the extravagant one? I don’t deserve such generosity, three French hens. You’ve been too kind.

All my love, Agnes

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Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough.

Affectionately, Agnes

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Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

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Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese lying on my front steps. The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket.

Cordially, Agnes

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John:

What’s with you and those freaking seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There’s bird poop all over the house. I can’t sleep at night and I’m a nervous wreck. 

Sincerely, Agnes

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OK Buster:

What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a milking? And they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

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Hey Shithead:

Now there’s nine pipers playing. And Christ, do they play! They’ve never stopped chasing those maids. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You’ll get yours! Agnes

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You rotten prick:

Now there’s ten ladies dancing. I don’t know why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve got diarrhea. 

I’m calling the police on you! Agnes

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Listen, Nerd:

What’s with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. All twenty three of the birds are dead. I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy, Agnes

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Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. 

If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole

This Is What Christmas Is All About

Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child. - William Saroyan

Oh, the plans I had.

I was going to write the perfect Christmas greetings. Perhaps with a few witty quotes. And pics of Thomas Kinkade-like decorated houses in our neighborhood. 

It was going to be fancy.

Until... I opened my email a few days ago and saw this photo.

Photo: First Granddaughter's Nativity, A.V.H, December 2020

Tiny, hand-crocheted figures of Mary, Joseph, the three Kings, and a donkey on a simple, rattan side table. Plus a couple of miniature, pink-antlered stuffies from McDonald's Happy Meal. They're huddled around a swaddled baby, his eyes open and alert.

It is First Granddaughter's nativity arrangement.

Simple.

Humble.

Unadorned. Without the sparkly, twinkly luminescence of fairy lights.

How could I not write about this? Looking at it, I felt the pulse of Christmas spirit. I heard church bells tolling a holiday for the entire world.

If there were a competition for the world’s greatest nativity...

... this would be in the running.

Because it waves a magic wand and, behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Because it makes us realize that the simplest things give off the greatest message of good tidings:

For unto us is born this day

in the city of David

a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord. 

So, here’s to Christmas.

First Granddaughter, 8 years old

Especially one that we can celebrate through the eyes of a little girl who, in her especial way, teaches us what Christmas is all about.

That it's simply standing in rapt silence around Baby Jesus and maybe, inviting into the circle, a pink reindeer or two.

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,

The gladness of Christmas give you hope,

The warmth of Christmas grant you love.

Nativity Protocols

Y’all. Me and my big toe and I stepped outside to fill the bird feeders on the deck and it was COLD.

Yep.

Cold with a little chilly on top.

Seems like the good, old wintry days of Christmas are here.

But this year?

It’s anything but normal.

For starters, let's talk nativity set. Here's what it could look like, following pandemic protocols.

1. No more than four shepherds will be permitted in the manger. None of them shall be more than 65 years old or in a vulnerable category. 

2. The donkey and the lamb will have to obtain a declaration of non-contamination certified by the Department of Agriculture. 

3. The straw, moss, palm branches, and other decorations must be disinfected.

4. The choir will be restricted to one person because of the risk of contamination.

5. The Three Wise Men will be subject to a 14-day quarantine, regardless of whether or not they have tested negative for Covid. 

6. All non-essential participants such as Romans, sinners, and beggars are forbidden.

7. All will have to wear a mask and observe social distancing.

8. Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus will be able to stay together as they form part of a family bubble.

.................... Hold on. BREAKING NEWS. This just in.

Da angel guy say:

No scared. I come fo tell you guys Good Stuff. FDA approve vaccine dat goin make you guys an all da peopo stay good inside. 

What?! How?!!

Whereas before optimism seemed suddenly lost, the world bleak, now life becomes once more a field of spring, redolent with promise.

One boy wen born dat goin take you guys outa da bad kine stuff.

He da Christ Guy, da Spesho Guy God Wen Send.

Hand-carved olive wood creche from Israel

  There is hope. 

  There will be Christmas.

  And it will be NORMAL.

May your 

Christmas

be merry and safe!

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  Quotations are from Luke, Hawaiian  Pidgin Bible

                       

Getting Totally Elfing Blitzened

I know what I want to write about.

Christmas decorations.

All the merry and bright that fill the house.

The door wreath and shiny red and green balls hanging from greenery on the bookcase.

And how I found a vintage-looking potted, pre-lit Christmas tree for only $5.99 at the Goodwill.

And how I figured out a green sari made a perfect skirt for it.

Stuff just like that.

Moving forward though, I have begun to notice an emerging décor theme that I thought I'd like to focus on.

Reindeers. 

A small herd is prancing here and there and about the house. 

Here on the coffee table is a woven raffia caribou heading home for the holidays (right).

Beautifully silhouetted on a corner table in the dining area is a painted metal reindeer (below, left).

Regally standing on the pass-through ledge between the kitchen and the living room is a brass reindeer ten-tier candelabra (above, right).

Without my even realizing it, my Christmas ornamentation has become totally elfing blitzened.

But indulge my being extra. You already know that I can't help it. Being obsessed, that is.

Who knows? Next year, elves perhaps?

And just about to take off the deck, in the meantime, is the crowning glory of my antler passion - an LED rope light lit reindeer, soon to pull a sleigh through the night sky.

I can't wait to hear Santa whistle and shout:

Now, on! 

To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall;

Now dash away, dash away! 

Dash away all!

 

 

Christmases Past

Just a few days ago, it was NOVEMBER.

And guess what comes after November?

That’s right. Say it with me. December.

The most wonderful, but also the most hectic month of the year.

Just between us? 

I'm done with hectic and elaborate, as I've avowed in previous holiday blogs. 

Right now, I'd just love to kick back and reminisce as I decorate with tried-and-true ornaments from yesteryears. I thought it might be fun if I showed you snippets of how it was.

Here's an angel, one in a set of ten polyethylene figures from Walgreen's made to look like stained-glass. 

Chicago: Christmas 1973

Almost a-year-old First Daughter (below), all dressed in white, a crown of silver tinsel on her hair, and a pair of foil-covered wings looked like an angel herself as she hung the baubles on our "Christmas tree," an indoor rubber plant potted in a red plastic bucket.

It was our first Christmas away from the homeland.

When Second Daughter came along, we were complete as a family (below, right). Again, the rubber plant, now laden with tinsel, stood in for a "Christmas tree." 

Chicago: Christmas, 1974

I had enough pocket money to do a mail-order of custom brass-plated ornaments, one for each of us, from an American catalog merchant. Woohoo!

Kissing Couple ornament

Alena angel ornament

Iris doll ornament

 

Chicago: Christmas 1975

The following year was a momentous would-have-been optical disaster for our annual Christmas photo.

As Eldest Daughter said it, Ay, kakow!

She had chopped off her bangs, but  my eyeliner pencil came in handy for drawing in the needed length.

Same tree here, this time more extravagantly adorned with family ornaments and Christmas balls. 

Broadway UMC: Christmas Pageant, 1976

The following year, I think we made star ornaments by wrapping cardboard pieces in foil, but what sticks out in my mind was the children's nativity pageant when First Daughter significantly made her debut as one of the furry-flocked lambs.

She was the reticent one who, with Second Daughter, decided to simply peer at Baby Jesus from afar, behind the chancel's railing.

When the girls were old enough to tackle more complex crafts, I thought, Hello, handmade holiday.

I was sure they could paint pre-cut set of wood ornaments from K-Mart.

Eldest Daughter finished her set in time for Christmas that year. Four-year-old Second Daughter took a couple of years to finish hers. 

But who cares? In a world of sameness and store-bought, nothing says from the heart more than something created with one's hands.

I think we may have bought our first real pine tree when we moved to our new Phoenix home a couple of years after. 

We made Ojo de Dios (Eye of God) ornaments using cotton swabs and yarn for decor.

Phoenix: Christmas 1978

Growing up, Second Daughter showed an interest in really big projects. Here's a latch hooked Santa Rug (right) which she started in her early teen years and completed when she graduated from college - just kidding!

So, here it is.

The dining table in our house now...

... all decorated for Christmas (below, right).

Hanging underneath the centerpiece advent candles are the tiny trinkets that bring so many memories.

Photo, V.E.V., December 2020

So many hours of joy.

So many milestones.

From me to you,

I'm sending you 

this treasury 

of our

Christmases past.